Your Teen Wants to Fast but You Will Not Allow It? There Is Something You Can Do!

Dear parent, if you have a teenage son or daughter

whose Crohn's disease or colitis keeps you awake at night

more than it does them,

this post is for you!

Because what happened to a mother

who called me a few days ago probably sometimes happens to you. Let us call her Anna for this story.

Anna called me very upset:

"My daughter does not want to look after herself.

She will not eat the healthy food I make, does not sleep at night, just goes to the doctor and thinks that is enough

for her Crohn's!"

I really understood Anna,

her pain and concern for her daughter's health,

and her helplessness in the face of her child's refusal to cooperate.

"How old is your daughter?" I asked.

"Ayelet is 19 and volunteers in the military."

Well, not really a child anymore…

"And how is she managing in the military?"

"Not badly. She likes her role, and her commander is very pleased with her."

Look at this interesting contrast -

Within the military system, the young woman functions very well, meets expectations, and follows military discipline.

She successfully performs the role assigned to her.

With her mother, she behaves completely differently: unwilling to take responsibility, rejecting nutritional recommendations,

and wholly unconvinced by her mother's pleas.

What is different? Is this not the same young woman?

The difference is that in the military Ayelet becomes a "responsible adult,"

while at home she plays the role of "Mom's little girl."

Ayelet does not yet know how to connect these two ways of being, the adult and the child.

She has not yet learned the advantage of being a responsible adult toward her own body,

not just toward her role "outside."

Anna, her mother, may also still find it difficult to let go of responsibility

for Ayelet's health. They have been dealing with Crohn's since she was 13.

This creates a kind of closed circle: mother and daughter, caregiver and patient, adult and child.

Until this circle is broken,

Ayelet will continue harming herself. The responsibility is still not hers…

Her mother can recommend, suggest, expose her to information, and take her to doctors and dietitians,

but she cannot eat for her,

think for her,

or sleep for her.

What is needed here is to teach the mother to let go and Ayelet to take responsibility for her body.

How do we do that?

Start by recognizing the situation. That is the first step.

For the second step, dear parents, take this advice -

Start letting go.

I know, it is very difficult.

That is why we start "small."

For example, right now we are approaching Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.

Suppose your teenager wants to fast like everyone else,

but has a bowel disease and poor nutritional status that makes fasting unsuitable.

You announce that fasting is out of the question. But he wants to!

An argument begins. Your child slams doors,

and you walk around angry and worried.

Stop. Take a deep breath and tell yourself to let go.

Suggest having a conversation about it.

Try to set emotions aside, simply lay out the facts,

and leave the decision to him.

Yes, this could negatively affect his health.

But it is about the only thing that can lead him to an informed decision not to fast,

or perhaps to fast partially.

Once the facts are before him and responsibility for the decision and his body belongs to him,

you will have to trust your parenting and his judgment -

and allow him to make the final decision.

Regarding fasting, this is the view of Dr. Eran Israeli,

director of the inflammatory bowel disease unit at Hadassah Ein Kerem:

Fasting is a complex issue that depends heavily on the patient's individual condition, as well as their motivation and level of religious observance.

There are religious rules that allow eating a "kezayit," an olive-sized amount, an unlimited number of times during the fast.

In principle, the recommendation not to fast applies to a patient who is malnourished or experiencing an acute flare-up.

This is general news information and is not a substitute for personal advice from a doctor or dietitian.