A wedding, a long table, and a dish you cannot send back

Dancing, speeches, and a buffet line that moves like the weather. Anyone whose stomach requires advance approval knows the evening can end with the first course. Arrive hungry and it ends even faster, because hunger does not negotiate with onions.

Before leaving home

Eat a small, familiar portion. No "saving room." Saving room ends with a double plateful and regret halfway through the second dance. If appropriate, put a cracker or a fruit you have already tested in your bag. Not a second meal. A backup. Medication for a familiar kind of day, if approved, does not stay on the dresser because your dress has no pockets. Give it to someone or put it in a car bag before the photographs begin.

Facing the plate that arrives

Eat what you recognize. Move aside the raw salad, the sauce, and anything glistening with hot spices. No speech is necessary. A fork moving food aside is not criticism of the cook. If a server is available and you can request a dish without sauce, ask once, quietly. If you cannot, eat less. Being somewhat hungry until you get home is better than an evening cut short.

Alcohol on an already hesitant stomach shortens the evening. One glass with food, if any, after the first course has been tolerated. Not before.

What to tell your aunt

"I ate earlier" is enough. "I have a bowel condition" is information, not an obligation. If you want to say something, tell one person, not the table. The table will offer recommendations. The recommendations will bring more dishes. More dishes are how the evening stops being yours.

The reception

The reception buffet is the first trap. Trays circulate, everything is small, everything is "just a bite." Ten bites like that make a meal, with ten variables.

Choose two things you recognize. Take a small plate and stand away from the trays. It sounds funny. It works.

The bar and the glasses

At an event, your glass refills itself. A server passes and it is full again. If you want to drink, decide on an amount beforehand, drink with food, and keep water alongside. Anyone taking medication for bowel disease should ask first. We explained what to check in alcohol and inflammatory bowel disease.

The table of courses

The first course comes with sauce, the main course comes with sauce, and bread and salads sit alongside. You can request a simple dish in advance if the venue allows it. Otherwise, choose the familiar part of each course. The same principles apply in a restaurant, as we explained in ordering at a restaurant when your stomach controls admission.

At the end of the evening? Water before bed and a quiet morning the next day. No fasting and no "detox." One evening does not define the week.

The next day

Do not punish yourself by fasting. Have a normal, small, familiar portion. If you have a symptom, record what you actually ate, not "the wedding." A wedding is not an ingredient. A sauce is. Your next outing builds on that record, not on a decision never to go out again.

This is general news information and is not a substitute for personal advice from a doctor or dietitian.